Confessions about the Eucharist

Response to Jim Purcell’s “De-centering the Eucharist”

Dear Jim (Purcell),

Thanks for your insights.  I really like your image of the Eucharist as food for the journey, rather than an end in itself.  

I hate to admit it, but all those years of daily Mass, all those issues of Worship Magazine, all those Conception Abbey woodcuts of grapes and bread, all those Pius Parsch pamphlets, even my two agonizing years as Master of Ceremonies -  not once, EVER, did I feel that I was involved in something totally authentic.  It always seemed like someone else’s party.  Whose party it was, I had no idea.  I was just supposed to show up and be nice. 

I used to feel guilty when I heard guys talk about the Eucharist being the center of their lives.  “What the hell does that mean?” I’d think, and then I’d feel guilty:  “I must be missing something, or maybe I’m just a Philistine at heart."  

Later on, after I became a Gnostic, I used to hassle Jesus about it directly: “Okay, I’m going to say the words of consecration as I drink my Zinfandel and eat my Wheat Thins, and I want you to enlighten me on what the Eucharist really means."    

He just shrugged and said He wasn’t sure either.

I think it all goes back to the old culture wars between the mystics and the clergy. The mystics didn’t have any money for the collection plate when they showed up at Mass - and they usually didn’t show up anyway, because they were always out in the woods talking to God.  So the clergy passed laws saying that you’d go to hell if you didn’t come to Mass at least once a week.  That forced the mystics into church, where they’d have to listen to the priest instead of God. The Eucharist was the priest’s weekly party.

I know there’s a lot of trippy stuff in the liturgy.  My dear friend, Dennis Lucey, knows most of the good stuff by heart.  I've just never gotten into it.  It always seemed slightly phony to me.  A bunch of grownups playing pretend. 

I'm not trying to slam what others find meaningful.  I'm just glad that you gave equal credit to the journey through the woods.